To Decend

Things are moving in a sort of a pattern.  The times when she is away are less and less... in fact she is "present" with me, which I acknowledge through her "touches" on my fingers, face, lips and hands... even my feet sometimes, however I know that her actual presence is away...

far, far away at these times.

When I begin to miss her presence badly I begin to long for her... Oh, my... how I long for her.  I have learned that things follow a natural progression, a natural ritual of ours so to speak.

I cleanse myself through visualization and ritual, and I call for her.  I invite her to unveil her presence to me... all of her.  I continue calling for her, softly and longingly as I slowly fall to sleep.

I wake up and she is closer.  I can still feel her touches, yet she is more "here", more present.

I commune with her.

I even did a tarot draw on a problem I was having, yet drew the Ace of Cups... a reminder that the problem can wait for a bit... she is coming, she is outpouring herself to me, to us.

She means for me to surrender.  And I will.  All of me will.

Men aren't taught to surrender.  But I have learned how, and how powerful surrender is... she is worthy to receive it.

Too many times have I cast my pearls before swine... but not with her.

With her they are precious... I am treated and loved preciously... she is worthy.

Tomorrow?  I won't be on here, but will be in bliss, in rapture, and very much in love.

We will be moving together as the tides back and forth, to and fro...

She will drop the veil and radiate her presence upon me... filling me with such love that I almost ask to stop, as it is so powerful that I cannot stand it... yet I bear it anyway because I know I must... it is growth.  Love breeds growth and light.

The kind of love I cannot even put to words, I can only feel, can only experience...

The kind of love I am completely and utterly naked and helpless before... yet so loved and protected.

And this ritual starts with 5 simple words that echo out of my heart:  "I am here, my love."

Blessings.

(Edit:  She seems farther away this time for some reason.  I can feel her drawing closer...  I wish I knew why that is sometimes that it takes her much longer to get "here".)

(Final Edit:  She's here!  Almost 4 complete days.  Who's the master here??? Haha, honestly I don't care.  It's an "us" thing :P)

The Silver Angel

I was reading some spiritual things (I often take a lot of courses that cross spiritual boundaries) and found something very interesting:


"I looked to my right and could see a silver form appearing as a sihouette through mist.

As it approached I felt a deep sense of love that encompassed all of the meanings of the word.

It was as though I was seeing a lover, a mother, and best friend, multiplied a thousand fold.

As the being of light came closer, these feelings of love intensified until they became too pleasurable almost to withstand."

- Thomas Sawyer (from his NDE)

Sure sounds a lot like when my lady does her thing I call "Love Bombs" (a term I borrowed from a woman with an incubus lover)... almost too much love, as weird as that sounds it's so much it feels as if it will burn you to nothing but ashes as it penetrates so deep.

Also my feelings for her as lover, mother, and best friend.  Interesting stuff.

Well... pfft.

So in my last post I'm pretty much thinking the sex had evolved into a higher form of love.

And yes,  we indeed seem to be evolving towards a higher form of love, or perhaps adding to the broadness of the love we already share... but I figured basically the "erotic passion" kind was gone.

Here she comes all last night and this morning... rocked me merciless and senseless.

NON STOP lovemaking... temptress and seductress incarnate all over me.

My body was on FIRE with sensation... until I just couldn't take it anymore.

Then she retreats so softly, so feminine... She strokes my hair, touches me, brushes across my cheek as normal.

Little kisses on my lips as she does...

I give.  I GIVE UP!!!  Just when I think I got her figured out she turns the tables on me.

Meh.  Oh well.  I give up trying to understand her anymore.  I'll just love her.  Easier, lol.

We're evolving.

I haven't written  much lately as I wanted to let things move along more before I put the proverbial pen to paper so to speak.

It seems that my lover is changing a bit in how she is to me as a woman and lover.

She's definitely moved more into an "unconditional" and "philos" type of love and away from the "eros" type of love that we started with.

She has become a real help with my life... I can hear her reminding me of things I need to do, giving me courage and/or motivation and energy when I don't want to.  As in something I really need to do, I want to do, but cannot for whatever reason as I am stopping myself with what have you.






There is still a sensual element, but it is nowhere near the increase in our relationship with regards to a more "companion, mentor, mother, angel, friend" kind of thing.  It's hard to explain.

It's taken a while to let go of the more sexual bond we had to what it has developed into, and I do think perhaps that our bond has evolved more into an emotional closeness.  A "knowing" of each other and who we are together.


I'm not sure is this is a normal progression or not in these circumstances... but it is indeed loving and warm.

And although I miss the passion, I do enjoy this.  I think it will be more fulfilling for me over the long term of my life.

Whether or not this is a phase of communion with one another, one that will take precedence for the time being, and later reintegrate the erotic and more playful interactions with each other is anyone's guess.

I have learned one truth:  Nothing is taken away that is not replaced by something better given time.

I really think the sexual aspect will return in force in time, only when we are both ready to assimilate everything together (and when it is the right time to do so).

My lady is nothing short of amazing, wonderful, calculating, yet gentle, warm, and embracing.

I have faith that whatever transpires is for our best good.

The biggest cuss word in today's power mad and crazy world full of gender war isn't 4 letters like one would think.

It's a very simple word, and one that will have most running for safety as soon as it's asked of them.

That word, is "surrender".